I Wish I Could Tell You

I wish I could tell you I'm free of cancer.
I wish I wasn't starting more chemo tomorrow.
I wish I wasn't afraid of the side effects.
I wish I didn't have to see the fear in my children's eyes.
I wish I didn't have to hear my son say 'I feel so helpless'.
I wish Bryan didn't have to cook dinner 'cos I know he doesn't enjoy cooking.
I wish I had an appetite.
I wish I didn't have to cancel lunch in Sydney with Fatemeh.
I wish I'd been able to swim in the ocean with my sister last week when she visited.
I wish I didn't know words like Folfox and Avastin.
I wish I didn't know my CEA.
I wish I didn't have  blood tests every week.
I wish I didn't have to press the button in the elevator marked Oncology.
I wish I could beat the cancer.
I wish I didn't think about my children's future which may not include me.
I wish Bryan and I will grow very old together.
I wish the will to live was enough to overcome my genetics.
I wish I will have the energy to continue blogging.
I wish you will understand when I am too sick to reply to your comments and emails.
I wish you will understand when I visit your blog and don't leave a comment.
I wish one day I could tell you I'm free of cancer.

Thanks to Maryam for helping me find a way to tell you my wishes.