I cannot remember the last time I was this grumpy. In the making of this pie every possible thing that could go wrong, went wrong. From the pastry, to the oven, to the photography. I swore, I cursed, I cussed. Everyone that had ever upset me in my entire life copped it today.
Wherever I turn lately I face frustration. The major frustration being the continuing side effects of my recent chemo. But I'm not here today to bitch about cancer or chemo. I'm here to tell you I came close to giving up blogging this week.
Yes, I fell into the trap of losing my focus. I'd forgotten why I started blogging. Suddenly I found myself blogging for an audience. I wanted to be one of the popular bloggers. I wanted to style as beautifully as Helene and Bea. I wanted to write as engagingly as Jamie and as amusingly as David. I wanted to capture scenes as brilliantly as Jen and Keiko. I wanted to be as popular as Clotilde and Pim and Elise and Sam. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted. Stop. Enough already.
That is not why I started blogging. What happened to writing my own little on line diary where my family and friends could check in and see what I was up too? Suddenly I was planning my days around what I would cook and photograph. I was checking the sales in Target for props. I couldn't walk past a second hand store without looking at the napkins and old china. I was accepting freebies from PR companies. (Actually I don't mind the free cookbooks).
If there weren't any comments on my post when I opened my mailbox each morning I would sink into depression. I found myself checking my stats and counting my visitors and how many pages they viewed. Why? What happened to turn me into this needy person needing affirmation in the virtual world of blogging. I get plenty of love and attention from my family and friends. Although I should say some of the most special people in my life, I have met through blogging. I cannot imagine how poor my life would be without them.
Blogging has morphed from personal online diaries to fully fledged media sites. Somehow blogging became a business. There are now so many fantastic blogs out there with beautiful photographs and intelligent writing. Many bloggers are now making a living from their blogs. Blogging has become a way of getting into food writing or scoring a cook book deal. And there is nothing wrong with that. I'm happy for those that have advanced their careers via their blogging. But it isn't why I started blogging. And it isn't what I want out of blogging.
I want to post when I feel like posting. I want to cook what I want to eat not what will photograph well. I want to spend my money on a great bottle of wine to enjoy and not a dozen different plates to use as props. I want to spend more time playing with my camera and taking photos of faces and flowers and less of cakes and cookies. Mostly I want to turn the computer off for part of my day and read a book.
Today I'm sharing my favourite apple pie recipe. I haven't made this in twenty years. It is from a magazine back in the eighties. I can't remember which one. I should warn you though this pastry isn't the easiest to work with.
PASTRY
185g butter
1/3 cup caster sugar
1 egg
1egg yolk
1 cup plain flour
1 cup self raising flour
1/4 cup cornflour
1/4 cup custard powder
FILLING
6 large Granny Smiths apples, peeled,cored and thinly sliced
finely grated zest and juice of one lemon
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon each of ground cloves and nutmeg
1 tablespoon of cornflour
GLAZE
1 egg white, lightly beaten
1/3 cup flaked almonds
METHOD
To make pastry, beat butter and sugar together until light and creamy. Add egg and egg yolk and beat until smooth. Stir in sifted dry ingredients and knead lightly until smooth. Wrap the pastry in plastic wrap and refrigerate.
Make filling by placing prepared apples, lemon zest and juice, sugar and spices in a large, heavy saucepan and stirring over high heat until sugar dissolves and mixture begins to boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer, stirring occasionally, for 8 - 10 minutes until apples are soft. Remove from heat and allow to cool, then blend in cornflour.
Roll out two thirds of the pastry between two sheets of plastic wrap. Line a lightly buttered 25cm, deep, fluted flan tin with pastry. Fill with cold apple mixture. Roll out remaining pastry and cover the pie. Make several slits in top to allow steam to escape while baking, glaze with beaten egg white and top with flaked almonds. Bake at 220C for 10 minutes, then reduce heat to 180C and continue baking a further 50 minutes. Cover pie lightly with foil if pastry is browning too much.
Serve warm or cold with lightly whipped cream.
